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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28101453">tame the dragons within your heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrddinthewizard/pseuds/myrddinthewizard'>myrddinthewizard</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>how to love a liar [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Era, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, Sad Merlin, Unhealthy Relationships, and by eventual i mean like waaaaay in the future bc these boys have a lot of shit to figure out, angry arthur, as in lies and mistrust, dragonlord reveal, no magic reveal, not exactly happy ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:28:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,407</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28101453</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrddinthewizard/pseuds/myrddinthewizard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur stood up, abruptly. “Get out.”</p><p>Merlin followed. “Excuse me? You asked for an explanation but if you won’t let me talk then–”</p><p>“That’s enough, Merlin.” Arthur glared, the look shaking Merlin to the core. “If you don’t get out right now, I will run you through.”</p><p>(aka the dragonlord reveal)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>how to love a liar [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058711</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>228</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>tame the dragons within your heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin BCC</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em>"No man is worth your tears." </em>- Arthur to Merlin</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Arthur hated when Merlin was silent. It was one thing for Arthur to constantly tell Merlin to shut up but it was a completely different thing for him to actually listen. Merlin was sitting cross-legged before the roaring fire, carefully scrubbing Arthur’s armor with a gentleness he didn’t know existed. For the clumsy man he was, the movements were graceful and sure. Merlin's dark hair curled around his ears and neck and he had long taken off his jacket and neckerchief.  Arthur watched the orange light dance across his pale collarbones and cast shadows over his cheeks.</p><p>Arthur dropped his pen, slumping back in his chair. He pushed himself back and made his way to Merlin, grabbing a few goblets of wine on the way. Arthur ignored the way Merlin jumped and relaxed on the furs next to Merlin. He kept quiet and sipped his wine, listening to the cracking of the fire and the steady scrubs of the washcloth against metal. Merlin was on the last piece of armor when Arthur found the courage to speak up. </p><p>“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or do you expect me to guess?”</p><p>Merlin’s movements faltered for half a second before he started to scrub even harder than before. He didn’t reply. Arthur signed and put down his goblet of wine, watching as Merlin’s knuckles went white from clutching the cloth that hard. Arthur wrapped his fingers around Merlin's wrist, satisfied when he stilled, his breath nearly stopping.</p><p>Arthur lowered his voice to a whisper. “I think it’s clean enough. Put it away.”</p><p>Merlin waited until Arthur removed his hand and then stood up, stuffing the armor into the chest at the foot of his bed, rather than just dumping it atop his table. Merlin never put the armor in the right place. But he did today. And Arthur didn’t know why that worried him so much.</p><p>“Is that all for tonight, my lord? Or do you require me to assist you to bed?” Merlin's voice was steady and soft and twisted Arthur’s heart further. He patted the spot beside him. “Sit.”</p><p>Arthur watched Merlin’s throat bob as he swallowed roughly. “If it’s alright, I would appreciate the rest of the night off. I—”</p><p>“Sit,” Arthur repeated, his voice hard as his patience waned with every passing second.</p><p>Merlin sunk down beside Arthur and curled himself inwards, his knees pulled up to his chest. Merlin’s eyes trained on the fire before them and Arthur watched as the dark blue color shone gold in the light. Usually, Arthur only saw that color on sorcerers, and it always sent trembles through him. But seeing the color on Merlin was strangely comforting.</p><p>Arthur waited until Merlin’s shoulders relaxed before speaking. “Talk to me. I’m not just your king, Merlin. I thought I made that clear when I started courting you. What’s wrong?”</p><p>Merlin licked his lips and Arthur’s eyes unconsciously followed the movement. “I—today is the anniversary of the death of someone I knew so I'm not in a position to be of much help to you. I’ll be able to serve you properly in the morning,”</p><p>Arthur resisted the urge to shake Merlin. Arthur wasn’t very good at emotions. Growing up, his father had repeatedly told them that a good king never shows what he’s feeling. And the thought has been so ingrained in his head he no longer knew how to manage those emotions as just Arthur. Merlin was always better at that. He never hid what he was feeling and what much better at comforting someone that Arthur could ever be. “Oh? Care to explain why you can’t serve me properly now?”</p><p>Merlin let out a shaky sigh. “Just an old friend, Sire.”</p><p>“If you call me Sire again, I will put you in the stocks.” Arthur snapped.</p><p>Merlin’s lips twitched. “I’m sure.”</p><p>Arthur turned around to completely face Merlin. “Tell me about them.”</p><p>Merlin glanced up, meeting his eyes for the first time that day. “Tell you about them?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Arthur said, praying to all the gods that he didn’t look as nervous as he felt. “Who were they? Did I know them?”</p><p>Merlin chuckled bitterly. “You’ve met him. But knowing is a different story. I didn’t even know him so I doubt you did.”</p><p>Arthur tilted his head. “You… didn’t know him?”</p><p>“I didn’t have enough time to. I only met him a couple of days before he died.” Merlin said, picking at the sleeve of his shirt.</p><p>“Oh. Then why— why are you so sad? You said he was an old friend or something but you barely knew the guy.” Arthur immediately regretted the question when Merlin’s eyes went sharp.</p><p>“And what do you know, Arthur?” Merlin snarled, suddenly angry.</p><p>Arthur backtracked. “No— I didn’t mean. Well– I’m sorry, I– shit. I’m bad at this.” Arthur dropped his head in his hands, cursing himself.</p><p>Merlin spoke again after a couple of minutes. “He was my father.”</p><p>Arthur’s head shot up. “What?”</p><p>Merlin shrugged, his eyes locked on the ground. “It was three years ago. I finally found him but he got killed by some bandits on the way back home. It’s very anticlimactic when you think about it.”</p><p>Arthur’s breath caught in his throat. “Oh. <em> Oh. </em>Shit. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Merlin shook his head, his lips curling bitterly. “Yeah. He was living in the forest and I was going to bring him back to Ealdor so he could see my mother again. So we could be a family.”</p><p>Merlin’s voice cracked on the last word and Arthur’s heart clenched. He moved a little closer to Merlin. “You- you said I had met him? I think I would remember meeting your father, Merlin.”</p><p>“Well, you didn’t really know him as my father when you met.” Merlin’s voice became more hesitant as if he was regretting telling Arthur. </p><p>Arthur tried to make his voice sound comforting. “Who did I know him as?”</p><p>Merlin looked up at Arthur. His eyes were shining and Arthur didn’t want to know whether it was the light or his tears. His gaze flicked over Arthur’s face as if trying to find something. After what felt like an eternity, Merlin seemed to have found what he was looking for. And based on the look on his face, Arthur wasn’t sure if Merlin was happy about that or not. Merlin took in a deep breath. “I’ll tell you. Just promise me one thing.”</p><p>“Anything.” Arthur breathed.</p><p>Merlin sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, hesitating again. “Let me finish before you talk. Let me explain.”</p><p>Arthur was taken aback by the fear in Merlin’s eyes and something cold swelled in his chest. “Okay.”</p><p>Merlin turned away from Arthur and looked back at the fire. “Do you remember Balinor?”</p><p>Arthur’s heart dropped. <em> No. </em>His mind raced because Merlin had to be joking. He had to be. Arthur had to physically bite his cheek to keep from saying anything.</p><p>“He was the last dragonlord. Your father had killed all the others because, in his mind, the power of dragonlords was too close to what he considered to be magic. But technically, you don’t have to have magic to be a dragonlord. The point is, your father sought out all of these people and killed every last one of them. He also went after dragons themselves until there was only one dragonlord and one dragon left.” Merlin paused, seemingly to give Arthur time to understand. Arthur had caught glimpses of the story from Uther but he’d never known the full thing. Merlin knew though, and that was more unsettling than anything.</p><p>“Uther made a deal with Balinor to bring the last dragon to Camelot. He said that he would make peace with him. Of course, Uther betrayed him and trapped the dragon beneath the castle. Uther was going to kill Balinor but Gaius helped him escape. Balinor fled to Ealdor and my mother took him in.” Merlin’s voice grew hard and Arthur could see the anger in his eyes but he could barely think past <em> Do you remember Balinor? </em>and all of the implications of that statement.</p><p>“Uther pursued Balinor beyond his own realm and forced him to flee into the forests. And he found shelter in one of the hidden caves in the Forest of Merendra. That’s where we found him. I’m sure you remember the rest of the story.”</p><p>Arthur knew that Merlin told him to be quiet but his blood was boiling and he was speaking before he realized it. “Who was your father?”</p><p>Merlin curled his hands and still didn’t look up. “Merlin.” Arthur’s voice was a harsh breath and he could see Merlin shudder at the tone. “Who was your father?”</p><p>“My father was Balinor. The last dragonlord.” Merlin whispered.</p><p>Arthur couldn’t breathe. His heart pounded a million miles per minute because Merlin was the son of a dragonlord? “You’re father. He had magic, didn’t he?”</p><p>Merlin’s silence was confirmation enough. Arthur shoved down all the betrayed curling in him. “So what? All the dragonlords and dragons are dead now? Your father is dead and I killed the Great Dragon.”</p><p>Merlin cleared his throat. “Well, not exactly. The gift dragonlords is passed from father to son so—”</p><p>“You’re the last dragonlord now.” Arthur interrupted. “Are you fucking kidding me?”</p><p>Merlin winced. “I—”</p><p>“Are you telling me that while the dragon was attacking Camelot you stood by and did nothing even though you could stop it? Don’t tell me you were the one who released him in the first place.” Arthur spoke through clenched teeth trying to keep his rising temper at bay.</p><p>“No.” Merlin looked horrified at the thought. “I only became a dragonlord when my father died. I wasn't able to do anything beforehand.”</p><p>“So why didn’t you help? I had to kill that dragon on my own.”</p><p>Merlin scoffed. “Yeah, sure. Don’t kid yourself, Arthur. You didn’t do a thing. You threw your sword at him and got yourself knocked out. I did help.”</p><p>Arthur raised an eyebrow. “What? You killed the Great Dragon?”</p><p>Merlin scratched his jaw. “Well—”</p><p>Arthur leaned forward. “Do you know who released the dragon in the first place?”</p><p>Merlin sputtered. “What? I–”</p><p>“What the hell, Merlin? Why have you never told me?”</p><p>“Well, maybe if you shut up for a second I can explain everything to you.” Merlin retorted, his eyes flashing.</p><p>Arthur snapped his mouth shut. He closed his eyes for a second to calm his breaths and gestured for Merlin to continue.</p><p>“I am the last dragonlord. I defeated the Great Dragon and saved Camelot, mind you, and—”</p><p>“Did you kill it, though?” Arthur asked.</p><p>Merlin blinked. “What?”</p><p>“You said you helped me and you defeated it but what does that mean? Did you kill the Great Dragon or not?” Arthur growled, his voice low.</p><p>“I’m getting there. Just let me—”</p><p>“For once in your life, can you give me a straight answer?” Arthur yelled. “Did you kill the dragon?”</p><p>“No,” Merlin’s voice started to get louder. “I didn’t, Arthur. The Great Dragon that you so-called killed is still alive.”</p><p>Arthur stood up, abruptly. “Get out.”</p><p>Merlin followed. “Excuse me? You asked for an explanation but if you won’t let me talk then–”</p><p>“That’s enough, Merlin.” Arthur glared, the look shaking Merlin to the core. “If you don’t get out right now, I will run you through.”</p><p>“No. We need to talk about this, Arthur. I showed mercy and I let the dragon go but I promise you that Kilgarrah will not harm Camelot again. I won’t let him.”</p><p>“Kilgharrah?” Arthur snarled. “What, did you give your pet a name?”</p><p>“He’s not a pet, Arthur. He’s a creature of magic and he deserves respect.”</p><p>Arthur stalked forward until they were nose to nose. “Who released it?”</p><p>Merlin was silent. His breaths started to come quickly and Arthur had enough. “Who released the dragon, Merlin?”</p><p>Merlin closed his eyes as if resigning himself to his fate. “I did.”</p><p>And Arthur saw red. He attacked, tackling Merlin to the ground. Merlin, who obviously wasn’t expecting it, yelped as they tumbled onto the hard ground. Arthur flipped them so that he straddling Merlin and pinned his wrists to the ground. Arthur resented thinking about the last time they had been in this position. “Do you know how many people died in that attack? How many lives went up in flames?”</p><p>A tear tracked its way down Merlin’s face. “I know. I know. I never meant to hurt anyone. I didn’t have a choice. I swore on my mother’s life that I would help him. You have no idea how many times Kilgharrah has saved Camelot. Gaius doesn’t always know everything and when needed help, Kilgharrah told me what had to be done. I was returning a favor but I swear on everything I love that if I had known what he would do, I never would’ve released him.”</p><p>Arthur panted heavily, staring at Merlin in shock. “When has that beast ever saved Camelot?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin scrambled for a time when Kilgharrah helped in a way that didn’t use magic. “He- uh. There was this one time when Kilgarrah told me about—”</p><p>Merlin cursed. The one time Arthur was asking how he had helped and his mind went blank. He considered telling Arthur about his magic but he kept seeing Arthur’s eyes go dark and the hard floor slamming into the back of his skull and if Arthur was this mad about being a dragonlord how would he react to magic?</p><p>Arthur scoffed, rolling off Merlin. Neither of them moved for a while. </p><p>“It’s hard to explain. I’m sorry that I never told you but you have to understand why. I can’t control this, Arthur. I can’t control who I am or who my father is.”</p><p>“If you think I’m mad at you because you’re a dragonlord then you’re stupider than I thought you were,” Arthur muttered, turning away.</p><p>Merlin sat up, wringing his hands together. “I don’t know what to say, Arthur.”</p><p>“Why did you let the dragon go? That-that beast murdered my people, Merlin. And you believe that it deserves to live?” The anger had drained from Arthur’s voice.</p><p>“I know that you don’t understand. But you have to put yourself in Kilgarrah’s shoes. Your father chained him up for over 20 years, Arthur. It’s only natural he’d want revenge. And I’m not saying that it was right of him to kill so many innocent lives but everyone deserves a second chance.”</p><p>Arthur dug the heels of his palms into his eyes. “You speak about him like he’s human.”</p><p>“He’s not human. But he’s living. He has a heart and a mind and a soul and he once had a family that your father killed. He might be a creature of magic but being a dragonlord has nothing to do with magic.” It was a low move. To try and comfort Arthur by moving it away from magic but it was all Merlin had.</p><p>“Your father had magic. Do you?” Arthur’s eyes were blank. His face unreadable and that terrified him more than anything. Every part of Merlin ached to say yes. To spill every last secret to the man before him. </p><p>But he was scared. He was terrified because releasing the dragon and letting it live was only at the bottom of his list of crimes and if Arthur was so betrayed by these, there was no telling what he would do about his magic. And Merlin hated lying to Arthur. He hated not being to trust him. But Arthur wasn’t ready. He saw that in the fear in his eyes. He saw that in the almost pleading look that begged Merlin to say no. </p><p>
  <em> You couldn’t keep a secret if your life depended on it! </em>
</p><p>Merlin fought down a smile at Arthur’s past words. It was a bitter thought. Arthur believed he was terrible at lying. And for a while, Merlin was. But as the years moved by, excuses seemed to fall from his lips at every turn. He would pull up innocent smiles and laugh and joke and spew utter nonsense and it still fascinated him how easily Arthur bought it. But Merlin realized that it wasn’t his lying ability. It was Arthur’s trust in him. Arthur’s love for him.</p><p>And Merlin hated taking advantage of that love. He absolutely hated what his life had come to, but he pushed down the guilt and met Arthur’s eyes.</p><p>“No. I don’t”</p><p>Arthur stared at him. It took all of Merlin’s willpower not to look away.</p><p>“Ok. I believe you. Maybe I shouldn’t but I do. You promise that the dragon will never harm Camelot ever again.”</p><p>Merlin nodded, relieved to finally say something true. “Never. I promise I will never allow Camelot to be in danger as long as it’s in my ability to stop it.”</p><p>Arthur let out a sigh, standing up. Merlin followed suit. “I’m not happy about the lying. But I can understand. Just, next time, I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk to me. I would rather die than see you hurt.”</p><p>Merlin managed a shaky smile. “I know.”</p><p>“Never lie to me again, okay? Promise me.” Arthur’s eyes seemed to beg Merlin to do as he said. There was tiredness etched into his eyes that shook Merlin to the core. He could see that Arthur was still angry but Merlin still had his trust. And that was all he needed. “I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur was fuming. He wasn’t as bothered about the whole dragonlord thing then he thought he would be. It was the lies that got to him most. The fact that it was Merlin’s fault that the dragon had demolished half of the kingdom. But Arthur understood. He didn’t know what ran through Merlin’s mind but this was the same man that cried over bunnies and was fascinated by the rain. He knew in his heart that Merlin had no ill will and for now, that was enough. There was still that nudging suspicion that Merlin was still keeping things from him, but Arthur dismissed it. He liked to think that he knew Merlin fairly well. And how could he not trust those blue eyes? </p><p> </p><p>Arthur pulled the covers to his hips and watched as Merlin quickly put out the fire until the only light was the candle at his bedside. When Merlin came close, Arthur dragged him into the bed. Merlin stumbled a bit but went willingly. After settling in Arthur’s lap, Merlin leaned forward until Arthur had collapsed back against the pillows. </p><p>Merlin nudged Arthur’s nose with his own and whispered, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Arthur let out a soft sigh, tilting his chin up to press a soft kiss beneath Merlin’s eye. “I know.”</p><p>Merlin ducked his head and caught Arthur’s lips, kissing them softly. Arthur relaxed and Merlin shifted until he was on his side next to Arthur. Merlin watched as Arthur’s eyelashes fluttered closed. Merlin reached forward and dragged the tip of his pinky down the bridge of his nose, relishing in the slight twitch of his lips when he did so. </p><p>“I’m sorry, too,” Arthur whispered. </p><p>Merlin kissed the words away and curled his arms around Arthur, breathing sweet nothings into Arthur’s skin until his breath evened out. </p><p>“I love you,” Merlin said softly, trying his hardest not to feel disappointed when Arthur didn’t return the words. In a way, he was glad that Arthur didn’t say it back. He wasn’t so sure he deserved Arthur’s love. Merlin tucked his head into Arthur’s chest, squeezing his eyes shut. After a couple of minutes, Arthur was asleep and Merlin turned to press his lips to his neck.</p><p>“One day. One day I’ll tell you about my magic. One day you’ll know all of me. Who I really am.” Merlin breathed in the scent of lavender that clung to Arthur’s skin. “Whenever you’re ready. One day. I promise.”</p><p>And Merlin drifted off, an unsettling feeling in his chest. Like he was just at the edge of a cliff. And one wrong move could destroy everything Merlin had worked for. And Merlin was terrified that one day, he would slip. One day, when inevitably, Arthur figured it out, everything would crash and burn. And it would be no one's fault but his own.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> --0-o-0-- </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ok, so this is a new series where Arthur slowly finds out who merlin is and all of his secrets. These two got together, let's say, somewhere In at the end of season 2 or season 3 (it's up to you). I think this would take place near season 4 -ish. This also doesn't really follow the canon plotline but just bear with me. A lot of the same events will be there, though.</p><p>Now I have a lot of feelings about Merthur and I apologize in advance for the long endnote. Merthur, as a concept, I love. These boys own my ENTIRE heart. But in reality, as in canon, they have a very unhealthy relationship.</p><p>I've seen a tumblr post about this (i can't find it now) and it's really true. I've read so many fanfictions where Merlin is this happy boy and merthur is beautiful and while I love those fics, in canon I think near the end, Merlin kind of lost that sense of morality. His vision focused on saving Arthur and he obviously made lots of mistakes. He dedicates his entire life to Arthur and I really don't think those are good grounds for a relationship. He also lies. A lot. Like more than I realized and it's not healthy at all since barely anyone actually KNOWS Merlin for who he is (even those who know about his magic). He lies constantly and I just thought that I would explore that. There is also the fact that Merlin genuinely thinks that Arthur would kill him if he knew about his magic and generally, that is not healthy for any type of relationship.</p><p>The series is called 'how to love a liar' which is kind of dark when you think about it but whatever. This is overall has a happy ending but every individual work in the series is kind of hanging on the edge so only the last work will end all happy. Again, this is purely my perspective on what I think it would really be and this is in no way shaming merthur shippers (since I am a huge one) or merlin/arthur in general. </p><p>Warning: This is not a feel-good merthur fic. There will be fluffy moments but if you're looking for a merthur fic to laugh over or something like that, this is not really for you. It's filled with angst and broken trust and shattered relationships that take hard work and time to figure out. I can't promise a good updating schedule since I am still working on my other fic, but I'll try my best to be fairly consistent.</p><p>Let me know what you think of the idea and whether you agree with it or not. Stay safe and Healthy Holidays &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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